Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
