College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
