I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
