All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize