Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
