He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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