): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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