i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
