I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
