I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
