guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
you had me at cake vodka
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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