nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
