I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
