I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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