I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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