My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
