you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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