I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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