why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
my liver is dry heaving
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
