i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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