I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
