so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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