I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
