Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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