For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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