I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
