Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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