Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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