He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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