I'm jealous of your bromance
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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