fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
