He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
