Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
