Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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