Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
