It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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