Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
