i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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