get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
