I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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