you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
