i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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