Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
