I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My pussy is not your playground.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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