Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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