never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
dude. I can hear the air.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
