butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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