In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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