I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
