HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
