No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
