never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
