Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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