weddingsv make me drug and hornr
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
