Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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