It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
