Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
