my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
