who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
