My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
