Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
