Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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