Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
