If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
