So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize