mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize