hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
