Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
