im having a threesome with these popsicles
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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