Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
