That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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