I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
