It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize