i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
