I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
