My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
id be glad to
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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