I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Where is the hickey?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
