woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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