Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize