When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
