I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
