dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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