wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
