quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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