he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
