I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
