i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
