I accidentally had phone sex last night
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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