if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize