also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
