you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
