no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
