Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
