you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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